She Gone!

Andddddd I am back.  Whew, it has been some time since I have caught up with you all.  I must admit, life had gotten in the way of my creative outlet of blogging.  Life has been pretty good...from what I can make of it.  I am a full time recruiter at a start up (insanity- Just recieved a promotion), teaching pilates and spin in the AM and on the weekends, and trying to play shows (that has been a major fail thus far in 2013).   Its tough, because my passion is with helping others (i.e fitness, training, mentoring), and in music...yet, my work ethic drives me to want to climb that corporate ladder... So here I am, working 7 days a week, not because I have to, but because I am addicted to the chaos at work, and need the music, fitness and my students to feed my soul.  But here is what is happening... I am over committing, yet under committing to my friends and family and me.   There needs to be balance.  I can feel the stress inside my body build up, and I know that can not be a good thing down the road.  Life has been taught (by my super successful father), to "Go, go, go,go."  Well, as much as I disagreed as a young teen about that, I see I have become that "Go, Go, Go" personality. 
Now, if this is you... this is not a negative thing.  It is great to have strong work ethic and be passionate about so many things, as I am.  However, lately, I have noticed this working 7 days a week thing,  plus juggling my dog jojo, boyfriend, friends, and family -has taken its toll. 
I used all my vacation days last year, so I am not about to lie to you and say " I haven't taken a vacation since 1979, and I shoveled snow to make enough money to buy a snickers bar" blah blah.  No, I took vacations.  I had probably the best trip to Europe ever with my two girl friends....but this was two weeks of ZERO sleep, try to see the world, eat, drink, play, see...all day everyday...so rest was not in the cards there... The other days I took off were literally for quick trips to weddings, or showers...there was no REAL down time in any day I took off last year...Even on days I was sick, I was still stressed and would work from bed all day. So, for my birthday this  year... I went to San Fran, to get some true RnR, eat some good food, and drink some vino...and work out at some new studios (something I do in every city I visit).
After signing up for 6 classes (spending nearly 250 bucks on workouts), booking a trip to Napa, and scouting out dinner spots, I was ready....No laptop, no email. 
After on day in SF, I felt pretty tired...I thought I would wake up refreshed and ready to conquer a new spin class, then head off to Napa....I was dead wrong.  Didn't leave bed for 3 days... Made it to ONE spin class the day my flight left and ONE pilates class the first day I landed...I slept for 30 hours... not kidding.  My body was telling me to take is easy for once... and it forced me to do so (son of a bitch).
So, San Fran was a flop.  It just so happened to be my birthday, so spending itin bed was swell...I am telling this story because, I know it is so hard for us to stop and take a second to rest. 
I am young, eat clean, workout like a maniac, and yet, my body still will stop when it can take no more...
I have a hard time saying no to things, which is why I have not had a weekend with out working in years... So, let me be the first to tell you all... I have given up my SUNDAY ENDURANCE SPIN at PURE AUSTIN...for.... the next THREE Sundays! Ya... pretty dramatic huh? It is a big step for me, and it also means, I may or may not have a beverage or two on Saturdays...who knows.. the options will be endless... I may even have BRUNCH on Sunday :) 
My challenge for you, if you are feeling overwhelmed every single day, is to find one thing, that you could possibly let go of, not forever, but for two weeks...maybe even one week.  As much as I was reluctant to NOT teach for 3 Sundays in a row (because my class is full of bad asses), I know, if I want to continue to be the best instructor I can be... I will need to, at some point, take a break.  Just a mental break of not HAVING to be somewhere, will be a nice mental break.  Hell, I may even TAKE that Sunday class if I want to...but only if I want to.  Everyone needs a break at some point... I had finally hit a threshold and finally recogonized it.  I look forward to coming back to my endurance team, and will promise a continued drive to teach to the best of my ability.  Look forward to some new blogs on clean eating, stress, and life (I now how some time :)) Catch ya on the flippity.
PS: I am still teaching my other clasess :).

Time Heals All?

A year ago this evening, I remember feeling numb, I remember feeling denial, and I remember having one too many glasses of wine to try to skip over the "what if" thoughts going through my mind....A year ago this evening I had to buy a next day ticket out to California to go see my Grandfather, who's state of health blind sighted me.   I did what I do in emotional situations, I tried to block it out...I tried to tell myself it was no big deal and that he would be fine... because honestly, I really and truly believed he would be fine.   

My brother and his wife had flown in a day before I got there (meeting with my mother and father) and were able to talk to him, laugh with him, see him... while I thought it would be okay to take a flight the following day... not knowing that would be the one decision I would truly live to regret.  I have made plenty of mistakes in my life... but none have I regretted like this one... I could have laughed with him one more time, I could've looked into his stark blue eyes one more time... Instead I waited... and although he waited (eyes closed- unable to speak) for me to get there to say goodbye...my mother sitting by his side telling him to hold on for me to get there... I still wish I could've said a few more things to the most important person in my life... 

Tomorrow will be the 1 year anniversary of his death... and although I cry about him still... The deep pain I had for so long has slowly eased up.  Losing him was one thing I never thought my family or myself would get through, but day by day, the pain lifts, and the wonderful memories of Skee Nelson sink in deeper.  He was such a rockstar...and his death was honestly so sudden.  One can not prepare themselves for loss, it hits you like a ton of bricks... but through out this year, I have been able to talk about him and remember why it was he was such  an amazing human being, and let myself try, just a little, to see life how he saw it.  I have said goodbye to a lot of the little things (drama) I dwelled upon so often... I started appreciating life... and the wonderful things in my life.  

Tomorrow I will be with my family, as I was a year a go on this day.  It will be hard to see the pain in my mother's eyes... This past year was the most difficult on her.  She watched my Grandfather battle through so many things... and to see her marine father lose a battle before her very eyes devastated her and still does today.  I hope that tomorrow we are able to be happy and thankful for eachother and remember a great man that left the earth too early.... 

I guess the pain I still feel comes from me thinking about him being afraid and not being ready to leave... that is where most of my pain still stems from.  He couldn't believe that the doc finding cancer in his shoulder, after everything he had been through, was going to be it.  That is what hurts still... that is when it gets hard to sleep at night...but I feel him in my day to day life...and although I am not a religious person by any means (sorry Grandpa), I know he is the one helping to ease that pain that sits in the bottom of my stomach...

When my Grandpa passed...I wanted to do something that would ensure I would never lose sight of the way he lived his life, and remind myself how to live (to the best of my ability) like he did.  He saw the world as beautiful...he saw every person who crossed his path as beautiful...hell, he would send me newspaper clippings of super models saying "You look just like this!" because he thought I was beautiful.   Although my grandpa probably wouldn't be thrilled I got a pretty visible tattoo... I figured it was the best way for me to remember to see the world as he did... "beautifully so..."   On my 27th birthday I got that tattooed on my arm...to remember him, and remember the kind of heart he had.  

 

There aren't too many people in the world that lived as he did...and I know I am far from it, but this tattoo has comforted me a bit... made me feel that he is with me and he is reminding me what is important and to enjoy life. 

So, I wouldn't say "time heals all," but I would certainly say it helps.  I will never get over the loss of Skee...but I feel less pain and more comfort now than I did 8, 7, 6 months ago... I look forward to seeing my mother (who acquired her strong heart and her glowing personality from him) and my father, and remembering him again...there will be tears of course....but I am glad we get to be together (sorry Trav and Steph), and remember him as a family and celebrate a good man...which by the way..are pretty damn hard to come by these days.   I love you Grandpa and I will never forget you... please don't be mad about the tat :) 

Remembering

There are very few people you will meet that will actually change your life...change the way you look at the world...change the way you feel about your job. But, when you do come across such a person you must do everything you can to take what they have to say...and hold on to it.   Prime example:  My Grandfather...Knowing the man for 26 years...I knew he was something special.   He was the kind of person that saw the good in everyone.  Having to go to his funeral, was literally...the worst day of my life.  But, looking at the church...looking at the people who came to his funeral (literally... a line out the door of the church), it made me see what it means to be a person that has touched someones life.  From that day forward, I promised myself and my Grandfather that I would take his loving, selfless characteristics and live my life by his example. 

It's funny what time can do...Of course there is no way I have forgotten my Grandfather...but with time...that urge and drive I had to be this incredible person...the person he was... slipped away (he passed this March).  Things got busy...Work...more work...socializing...being a single 26 year old girl in Austin... trying to figure out my path in life... I mean all these things really weigh heavy at times...and I let the values that my Grandfather instilled in me, slip away.  

Today, a dear friend of mine lost a person that sounded much like my Grandfather.  A person that someone should only be so lucky to meet and have in their lives.   It was nice to sit with her and listen to her memories and hear about all the lives this man had touched.  I know how horrible and unfair it feels to lose someone that has literally changed the way you look at the world... but my advice... going through such a time...is to really hold on to that passion, that kindness, that strength of who you have lost.  Carry a piece of that person with you.  

Grieving can be so different for so many people.  But no matter what way is best for you...you must do it... Crying yourself to sleep sounds so horrible...but you know what? It is healthy at a time of loss.   Whether you need to be around people or be alone... it is okay.  There is no rule as to how one needs to grieve.  But those emotions must come out somehow. 

Many times when people lose someone important...they let it weigh them down, some want to give up.  The emotions are so strong that you just don't think you can go on.   

I understand this. My entire life I told myself that if I ever lost my Grandfather, I didn't think I could go on living...and guess what? Here I am.  My Grandfather would be super disappointed if I gave up on my life because I lost him.  So instead... I try and live everyday with the love and compassion he had for everyone around him....God knows some days its hard ( people can be so difficult :) )...but it is something I am holding on to and using this blog post to remind myself to do.  I read about his life as a marine and that re ignited my passion for fitness.  Reading stories of him being a marine made me never want to bitch about the small stuff again...I mean...this man was tough as nails.

I am so afraid of losing memories of my Grandfather... and I feel it is important for everyone to make sure and remember those they have lost...don't forget just because it is sad and hard to think about... Sometimes I want to block it out, just because I don't want to be sad... But, if you have lost someone special...the best thing in the world is to take a piece of that person... a memory...a characteristic and apply it to your life.

Sadly...there are not THAT many amazing, touching, genuinely kind hearted people in our world today...so if you so blessed enough as to meet one, or grow up with one, or be related to one... Do not take that for granted.  Learn from these people...

When it is my time, I just pray that I could have touched the lives of HALF the people my Grandfather did.  Doesn't matter what charity organizations you belong to...or who knows about it...its about being a good human being...that's it. 

I am writing this post because 2011 has been a tough year....Many losses...but the best thing and only thing one can do in tough times...is to try and find the best out of a horrible situation.  It is never easy...but to be a strong person...you must.  Look at your life now...is it really as bad as you thought it was this morning? No matter how hard or horrible the day is or seems...tomorrow will be a new day. 

Dinner for One

It's not often I have the time or energy to cook a full on meal for myself during the week... I am either heating up an Amy's frozen meal, or  boiling some brown rice noodles with pasta sauce...But last night, I knew I was due for some quiet time at my condo with my dog Jojo enjoying some good food.  I decided I wanted to cook something familiar, something my mother used to make, along with something of a protein.  

I decided on a cool endive salad, with heart of palm, avocado, fresh mozzarella, and basil...This was finished so simply (as my mother used to make) with good olive oil and a dash of salt and pepper.   I knew my body was  craving veggies, so this hit the spot.  Endives are a surprisingly enjoyable alternative to your normal spinach salad, or butter lettuce salad.  They have a bitter crunch, which hits a taste bud we don't often hit.  Endives are also full of iron, amino acids, calcium and magnesium. Heart of palm is another food my mother turned me on to as a child...I remember eating these things right out of the can.  They have a soft, almost sweet-ish taste and carry a number of beneficial vitamins and minerals. Heart of palm have zinc, riboflavin, protein, fiber and vitamin C...AND, they are low, low, low in calories and fill you up!  This salad tasted so fresh and honestly, with the protein in the heart of palm and the oils in the avocado, and creamy mozzarella...I could have enjoyed this salad alone and been satisfied.  I had JUST purchased a beautiful fillet of salmon and didn't want it to go to waste.

I  knew I needed some good protein since I have recently started a new boot-camp...Relentless Boot-camp.   I went for the wild sokeye salmon, marinated in red miso, with a side of roasted Japanese sweet potato ( my new favorite starch ).   Normally, I wouldn't recommend eating the sweet potatoes this late in the day ( I try to keep these types of starches for morning or lunch ), but I couldn't resist.  I wanted  a carb, and I wanted to use this little sweet potato before the weekend (because I normally go out to eat during the weekend).  Anyways,  this meal took no time at all to prepare, I baked the salmon and sweet potatoes together for about 8-10 minutes and voila! It was such a nice treat to have an elegant meal with a nice glass of wine...prepared and ready to eat by 8 PM.   I highly recommend you busy movers and shakers to plan a relaxing evening by yourself or with your loved one or roommate and put your feet up for the evening.  I don't know about you, but I feel like it is "rush, rush, rush" every day, every hour...we need to learn to turn it off...at least for a few hours :)  Be good to your bodies, be good to your mind.  Learn it is okay to be "lazy" for an evening.   Chat soon!

Ty

The Return

Many of you may (or may not) have wondered where I have been these last few weeks...Probably thought I got lazy and gave up on the blog...But no! I am here.  I have just been going through a bumpy last couple of weeks/month. We all go through it at some point or another...or maybe go through it a few times in our lives...where nothing seems to be working out... everything that can go wrong does...and you start to feel hopeless.  I hear ya, but guess what... we all go through it, and we  all get out of it.

I know I have been writing a lot about healthy eats  and working out...but this past month I have been learning...and am continuing to learn about how health isn't just about working out and eating right...it is also about keeping your mind right.  

Mental health, I 've been finding, is equally as important as all the rest.  In order to get results we really want, we need to work with our body as a whole...mind and body.  I am no yogi or meditator...but I  strongly believe  your mind needs to be in the right place in order for your body to really reach its fullest potential. 

I am about to get a bit serious with you all, but only for this blog...then we can get back into the fun, light hearted stuff. So grab yourself a cup of coffee...or a glass of vino...this is going to be a long one.

2011  already  has been a tough one for me.  I have lost two family members (one of which was the love of my life- my Grandpa),  a family pet, and have been going through other personal issues. Prior to all these deaths,  I had found myself worrying a lot about silly things, that really, in the end , shouldn't  matter.  With the recent loss of my Grandfather, all things that stressed me out or made me upset suddenly disappeared. It is crazy how a loss of something or someone so important can really change your prospective on everything.   I am now able to see much more clearly on what is truly important in life.

  My Grandpa was a marine raider...some of the strongest and smartest of the marines.  So in layman's terms, he was a bad ass.  He not only was a career marine...but he took care of his family and had a heart of gold.  This man couldn't speak a bad word about ANYONE ever... wow...that is something to really think about.  He was also a fighter till the end.   I remember the minute I landed in California to go see him (he was in hospice care), my mother called me and cried, "Hurry up, he is waiting for you."   My mother kept telling him to not leave until I got there...My Grandpa and I were extremely close, so he knew I would be devastated if I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
It seemed like the longest car ride of my life...hitting every red light...California traffic...and my father driving...STRESS .  When my dad pulled up to his assisted living home, I didn't even let the car stop...I bolted out the door praying it wasn't too late.  I ran into his room and my heart sank...

My strong, funny, amazing buddy was in his bed...eyes shut...rosary's in hand, with a breathing device over his mouth. So strange to see such a strong man so weak.  I dreaded for this day.  Just knelt down next to him, held his hand, and said "hey buddy, I am here! I love you so much, I am right here!"  I kissed his forehead...and just kept talking to him.  Within 20 minutes he was gone.

Literally fought to stay alive until I got there. Again, what a bad ass. 

His funeral was unlike anything I had ever seen before.  8:30 AM mass, church packed... with people even standing on the sides.  We had priests fighting over who wanted to do the service...so he had 3. We had three marines kneel before my mother and fold the American Flag infront of her and give my grandfather a rifle salute. At the reception, there was an open mic to speak about how funny and amazing this man was. This lasted over an hour. People just couldn't say enough good things about him. This is what has changed me.

I had been valuing the wrong things in life.  I lose this wonderful man, and meet all of his wonderful friends, and it made me want to be a better person.   Losing him also made me want to be a stronger person.  He was a raider...he was one of the fittest, strongest and smartest groups of the marines...He went through more than we can imagine.  Here I am using "allergies" as an excuse not to workout and he had to go through swamps in the middle of the night for miles upon miles with zero light.  I have it pretty darn good, and have really no excuse to be complaining. 

This is a really personal blog and my thoughts probably sound a bit scrambled.  I am just pointing out how we really need to value those we love in our lives and learn from the wise people in our lives.  Life is too short to be worried about the "he said she said" things, or not having enough to keep up with the Jone's...Life is about enjoying it and  making a difference in people.  Being positive. 

Since my grandfather engraved strength and health into me...I refused to let myself skip out on workouts, even though I was so emotionally drained.   The workouts are what  got me through the sadness. I didn't allow myself to go over to that "darkside" some of us can get to when we are so sad and lost.  I chose healthful things to keep my mind right.   I allowed myself to talk about him and I kept up fitness and healthy eating styles. 

Losing someone as amazing as my Grandpa is pretty tough.  My heart aches every day, but it is just so strange how everything else that I thought was so horrible in my life...disappeared.  Goes to show what we value in life.  I am going to try to be as beautiful a person as he was and continue to live life with passion and positivity, just as he would expect of me. 

 

Fine Dinning

SXSW is over  and I can now reassemble my life...or at least attempt.  I did my best with the workouts and the clean eating...and did my fair share of socializing and music outings...Seems as though this was a successful attempt to do "it all" during that crazy week.

I am feeling rather close to you guys now, so I am going to have to confess...I only made it to my corefit 1 time last week...I know.  Gasp.  I am pretty annoyed at myself too, but I made it up (kind of), with quick jogs after work.

Can't dwell on it though. Back on it today...and I had an excellent workout this morning... cooked a healthful breakfast...and have done the stairs once at work today.  Great way to kick this Monday in the...you know what. 

Breakfast today:
Two eggs scrambled with spinach, veggie sausage (1 link) topped with basil and avocado.
3 large strawberries diced and a handful of blueberries.

 

What I really wanted to share with you all today was a little European flair I have in me.  As a child, my parents would take me to France for months at a time to visit my great Grandfather...Insane cook.  Although I was young, I still miss those french style meals he used to cook.  He always cooked fresh, healthy meals for us like : Fresh Veggie soups, french green bean salads, and of course....french bread on the side.

So last night, I went to Whole Foods to pick up something for dinner.  I was getting tired of the whole...fish, brown rice and veggie dinner... so I went back to my roots to create a simple yet delish dinner.

I grabbed some gorgeous looking radishes, fresh spinach, basil, avocado,  hearts of palm and fresh mozzarella for  my veggies.

Then saw some beautiful smoked rainbow trout- Done!
And I know many of you will shreak at the thought of "white" carbs...but I grabbed a french baguette as well...I was feeling very European! Moderation is key with all of this.
There is a lot to be said for making your food look pretty on the plate.  My plate looked phenomenal.  Vibrant red radishes, the green of the spinach with creamy white mozzarella and hearts of palm on top.  This meal was fit for a King if you ask me.  I was careful not to use much mozzarella ( about two table spoons), and I made my famous dressing....splash of olive oil, Dijon mustard, and a splash of balsamic.  MMM MM good.
Go a head a give this European meal a try.  I wont even be mad if you allow yourself a little baguette...but I am being serious... MODERATION.  :)   If you aren't a fan of smoked trout...you can also try your favorite flavor of hummus for a little extra protein.  Or just add a handful of chick peas over your salad.   Enjoy! 

Stay tuned this week as I explore tasty ways to go to your favorite restaurants without feeling guilty about it.
I am talking about Eddie V's, Uchi, Roaring Fork and many more.

COREFIT Week numero deux

I had a major fail this Monday and I am just going to blame it on the time change.  My alarm went off and I just couldn't get my body to move.  So...corefit was a no go on Monday.  The worst part was, I couldn't even make it up because I had rehearsal for a show I am singing at this week, right after work.  The best thing I could do was to eat as clean as possible.  Hearty egg scramble, the rest of my squash spaghetti, and a quinoa salad over greens.  I still did not feel as good as I do when I get my  double workout in.  I didn't have that energy, that feeling of accomplishment that I get when I do my corefit AM workout.

Today I made it...and although during the workout I was gasping for air, losing feeling in my arms and shoulders and feeling just plain tortured...there was no greater feeling than finishing that hour workout.  I felt energized, strong and ready to start my day.  Corefit has been giving me results.  I have more strength in my arms and legs, and I am gaining agility.  I can run around townlake everyday on my own just fine...but sprints...that is a different story.  It is pretty hard to talk yourself into doing 30 minutes of some sort of sprint - without someone yelling at you to do it.  Ryan does a great job of not just "yelling", more like speaking loudly with conviction :) - that we are going to make it through the workout.  That is why I like this program.  He motivates each and everyone of us.  He calls us out by our names and gives us high fives when we finish with something insane.  I must say...it is rewarding, and maybe that is why I keep coming back for more.